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Thursday, January 30th, 2003
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8:23 am
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For every ounce of enlightened viewpoints magically appearing from formerly brain-dead college students, there is about ten pounds of bullshit.
Bullshit not just from college students, but from the university system as a whole.
I guess it beats the alternative.
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(16 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Sunday, October 20th, 2002
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2:02 pm - And the embers never fade in your city by the lake...the place where you were born...
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I took Randall, Chris, Derek, and Jeremy to the old ruins of the state capitol last night. It's the prettiest place in Tuscaloosa. I wouldn't mind getting married there.
After many hijinks, I took us all home.
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One thing I have always wanted is someone to write a poem or a song about me, and I've never gotten it. Well...that's not exactly true. When I was 14-or-so, I had a sort-of boyfriend named Jason who "wrote" me poetry--actually he passed off "She Walks in Beauty" by Byron and "Bugle Song" by Tennyson as his own that he had written to me, and since I wasn't acquainted with poetry beyond Shakespeare and Dickinson at that point, I believed him. And boy was I surprised next year when I read in my school's lit books and found both those poems.
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I'm happy in a strange, hyper way these days that I haven't been since high school. I think I've been more outgoing lately. Perhaps.
Another song I think I could claim for John and me.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: The indescribable moments of your life...tonight...
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(11 truths | the truth is out there)
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3:29 am - Oh it's so amazing here.
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I just spent several hours alone with four males.
I think I need sleep. Oy vey.
current mood:  exhausted
current music: There's beauty in the breakdown...
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(3 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Saturday, October 19th, 2002
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11:13 am - Good news, bad news.
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So I went to an appointment today with my dentist, Dr. F, and my perodontist, who happens to be my Uncle Charles. My dad was also there, but my orthodontist and oral surgeon were not.
Bad News: My teethwork could take up to 2.5 years to complete. I am looking at 2-4 gum surgeries (with bone removal, not just gum), the more-than-likely pulling of two teeth which will be replaced by implants, another jaw surgery, and then the capping of my teeth. Plus anything else they feel is necessary.
Good News: I will likely have my "temporary" caps only the first 6 front teeth by the time I go to New York in April. Those temporary caps will be put on my teeth so I can see how my new teeth will look when my whole mouth is capped in porcelain. My braces will probably be taken off around Christmas.
Someday I'm going to be normal, at least mouth-wise.
current mood:  weird
current music: I'm just a jerk, but a hero's what I wanna be...
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(4 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Thursday, October 17th, 2002
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11:24 pm - You should at least read this post.
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"Found poems" are poems with text taken from non-poetic texts, like advertising slogans or instructions on TV dinners. The text can be arranged in any form, and one's own ideas can even be put into the text to create something entirely different.
For instance, one poet took first lines from a bunch of different books to create her found poem. Another took lines from Vincent Van Gogh's letters and inserted his own ideas to create a very melancholy work.
I have written my own found poem. Please try to guess where it came from before you click the spoiler link.
Absentee Ballot
I can’t keep a man in my life but
I'll be at your altar
in living color, breaking into pieces.
With your worries in this sweet cesspool
may God forgive you and forgive me too.
I sit on the balcony and watch people go by one a time
maybe they respond better to face to face contact.
I feel certain that I'm going mad again
when I look in the mirror.
I'm looking for a sounder way of living
when I propose to take a residence
Just turn off the lights and leave
snow will cover my footsteps.
That's my department
it will never fade from memory that can still be recalled
by something as remote as this statement.
A rainy day sort of game
just a collection of matter and molecules
reaching for the horizon, the truth behind the mystery.
Math is the language of these laws
you can be very certain that this is not your fault
but you can answer yes.
( Spoiler )
current mood:  creative
current music: And I'm sorry, Mr. Jones...it's...time...
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(7 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Wednesday, October 16th, 2002
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10:30 pm - I'll get over you, you'll wonder who I am...
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Tonight I looked up ex-boyfriends and old friends on Google. The ones I haven't talked to in months/years. The people I loved who didn't love me, or who did but it couldn't work out, or had to leave.
I miss my old friends from high school. Not the ones I can see, that are here at my college, like Jeremy, James, Melanie, Derek, Laura, Jennifer...or the friends still at home I can drive 45 minutes to visit like Cassie and Eric and Lindsay. I miss Julie and Bud and Steven, who are 3 hours or so away, and Justin, who's in New York City now.
I wonder where Michael is (Hey Derek, I haven't said his name since freshman year of high school until now). Or Jonas. Chris J. finally IMed me the other day out of the blue. Jeff and John D. and I still talk.
I haven't talked to Samantha or Luke or Jay or Jason in a long time.
I really don't know why I got on this train of thought tonight. It's been one of those days when I have been satisfied, and even ecstatic to be alive (it was a beautiful day outside today), but I'm slightly lonely nowadays and I'm realizing that I neglected people I used to love, or that I want to know what they're doing, and be able to talk to them again. Someday I won't be able to do that anymore.
I'm not looking for the harmful people. The crazy, psychotic people. Just those that are of the fond memory variety. That's not so strange, is it?
( Addendum )
And I've never been so alone
And I've
I've never been so alive.
current mood: weird
current music: I don't believe you, you're so serene...
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(the truth is out there)
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| Tuesday, October 15th, 2002
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11:18 pm - I promised ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) pucette.
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| Monday, October 14th, 2002
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11:09 pm - Clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right: HERE I AM.
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I have two tests tomorrow. I tried studying for both. My brain is fried. I also read most of my history.
I talked to my mom about transferring to UGA for a year on the student exchange program; she said I could do it after all my dental work is finished (which I should find out on Saturday, or at least a good estimate). I'll probably go by the dean's office Wednesday to get the information. Living in Athens for awhile would just be fantastic.
I have a toe disease. It looks bad. Fear my toe disease.
I hate school. Hate hate hate.
Dude, I so need to go shopping for clothes this week.
Also I need more bath gel.
Also I'd like to sleep for eleventy billion days.
Also I'd like, for once, to write a good journal entry.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: Well I don't know why I came here tonight...
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(4 truths | the truth is out there)
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2:42 pm
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I don't want to live in Tuscaloosa anymore. I'm tired of being away from him and I'm tired of being in a place where I don't belong.
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(6 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Saturday, October 12th, 2002
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9:51 pm - This girl from Athens slides in here...
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I have discovered that my arms have grown thinner because it is now easier for me to wrap two fingers around my wrist. I won't complain about speeded-up metabolism and this weight loss, because there were times in my life when I couldn't lose weight no matter how hard I tried.
I had finally gotten to a place of acceptance several months ago and now I'm thinner. Which is fine. I'm not dieting my ass off (literally, haha). I'm back nearly to the weight I was beginning of senior year in high school.
Athens is lovely, by the way, even with the drunken idiots and crazy traffic from the football game. John and I spent 90 minutes in traffic trying to get from downtown Athens to his place (which normally should take 15 minutes or less). He's out picking up our sushi now. I'm not sure if eating sushi while nauseated is a good idea, but we'll see.
I saw the third Austin Powers movie. It's not bad, it's just really strange. I don't know what movie we're watching tonight--I asked John to pick up something creepy, like Silence of the Lambs or Se7en.
I got precariously close to drunk last night. Alcohol makes me sleepy. Seems the only drug I can really enjoy comes in the form of mild opiates and opioids. That's the okay, weightless kind of drowsy. Alcohol makes me feel sluggish and two tons heavy.
I'm going to go back to reading Vonnegut now and waiting for John. I really don't want to go back to UA. I need a vacation from that place. A permanent one.
Congrats to MrC and MissC, by the way. Sorry I couldn't be there.
current mood:  complacent
current music: We all do what we do, just to get by...
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(1 truth | the truth is out there)
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| Friday, October 11th, 2002
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11:45 am - Squeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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| Thursday, October 10th, 2002
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12:27 pm - Blargh.
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Nausea and headache in Western Civ and Italian. Decided not to go stats. Sprite seems to be settling my stomach, though I'm having off-and-on nosebleeds for the first time in a long time. I think it's sinus crap. It just chose to hit me at the same time as PMS, therefore causing this BLARGH feeling.
I will go to Athens tomorrow, even if I have to get a Sprite IV. Also I have physics class and an Italian midterm tomorrow. I better get better, yo!
current mood: FLARN!
current music: FLARNFLARNFLARN!
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(1 truth | the truth is out there)
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12:30 am - A post full of good things.
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Today a lady who rang my items up at Wal-Mart told me I have gorgeous hair. Later seussblues told me I'd been looking really good lately. Then a guy in the elevator coming up to my apartment told me I was beautiful and asked me if my hair was "natural."
Even though I've missed a few classes, I've missed nothing terribly important, thank goodness, and I'm keeping up with all I've missed.
My Italian teacher tells me my Italian is outstanding, especially for someone who's only in Italian 102. Two of my friends in Italian class discussed how good I was at it; one of them thinks I sound almost native.
My creative writing teacher says I have talent.
laceystacey keeps me updated on creative writing, and we discuss ideas. I'm so glad that Emily and Dana moved in with her so I could become friends with her.
pucette gives me all kinds of cool music. joeyhemlock gives me hugs when I feel down. serendipityjct and I can commiserate.
I lurve onebadparadigm, harvestworker, saffronic, and autumn_rains. And finally meeting thespacecow today was very cool.
I am truly lucky to have two completely nice roommates, and a ton of completely wonderful friends, and one completely perfect boyfriend...whom I will see on Friday...and I'll be in Athens, Georgia...and it's a completely completely FANTASTIC city.
And I'm getting better. My nausea has subsided for now; I only have a mild headache, a mild fever, and dizziness. So I'm feeling kinda okay.
current mood: smiley
current music: Don't turn around--uhoh! Der Kommisar's in town--uhoh!
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(4 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Wednesday, October 9th, 2002
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7:39 am - And a very good morning to you too, sir!
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1:00 am - Can you tell me why things are falling apart?
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Being sick today = missing all my classes.
It was okay to miss history, because we were covering Christianity in the Roman Empire. These things I remember. It's also okay to miss Italian, because it was a review day, and stats, because stats is easy.
I also missed physics lab, and even though I know this one missed lab won't count against me, it just set me on edge. But I didn't feel like walking across campus dizzy and crampy and achy and sneezy. (Sounds like I'm Snow White or something.)
Besides, I'm going to attend all my classes the rest of the week, and rely on ibuprofen and DayQuil. And Friday I'll drive to Athens and have a wonderful weekend. And though I have two exams next week (stats and physics lab), I'm going to be okay, mentally. I just need to figure out a little of the physics and go from there.
But of course I'm always going to worry. And now I have panic and Zen calm going head to head; and an area of high pressure and an area of low pressure meeting turn my insides into one huge tornado.
current mood: weird
current music: Well there's a reason you can't do this tonight...
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(the truth is out there)
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| Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
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12:43 pm
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It started off innocently enough today. I decided to skip my history class because my menstrual cramps had decided to flare up, and I was tired and grumpy anyway.
By 10 AM, they were full-blown Katie-can't-walk cramps. I went to the bathroom, took some ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed. I slept and dreamed horrific dreams.
Now I am up. The cramps have died down enough so that I can walk. I need to eat something, I think.
I'm sorry for not making it to class, but I feel and look horrible. And I have a lab at 3:30 that I don't need to miss...ugh...
current mood:  sore
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(5 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Friday, October 4th, 2002
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11:38 am - A tale of come-uppance, maybe?
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A long time ago when I was in high school (wow, all of two years ago), I knew the star quarterback of the football team (let's call him Jackoff Jimmy) because his parents and my grandparents were good friends. Also I went to a small (500-600 people) high school.
I had a very close friend (let's call him Barnaby Tucker) whom I loved, and still love, dearly. He's an extremely good actor. Anyway.
Jackoff Jimmy didn't like the drama nerds and tried to undermine us, which he did, going so far as to throw things onstage during our fall play. However, he was never disciplined for his rude behavior at the play (which the school attended, though it was a public performance). A few days later, he beat up one of the stage crew for saying that Jackoff Jimmy was one of the ones throwing things at us actors. Instead of getting the customary three days suspension for a physical assault, he got two so he could attend school Friday and still play in the football game.
We were incensed, especially Barnaby, who had been the star of said play and had been mocked. The football team and the principal continued to basically destroy the drama program until the chorus/drama director wasn't rehired (this time he would've gotten tenure since he'd been with us 3 years).
Jackoff Jimmy is now on the football team here at my university. Apparently he's talented. However, Barnaby got accepted to an elite acting conservatory in New York and will be leaving soon to go pursue his dreams.
I wonder who has the better deal.
current mood: justified
current music: Don't let go, you got the music in you...
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(3 truths | the truth is out there)
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2:09 am - When I grow up, I'll be stable.
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This will probably be very random as it's late and I'm collecting a few thoughts to try to convey my state of mind.
During my nap this afternoon, I dreamed that people came into my apartment, held me down, and tried to saw my right hand off at the wrist. They were using one of the cutting knives we have which cut through vegetables nicely, but bone's a little difficult. All I could do was watch, I couldn't even scream because they had gagged me. Dawn suggested perhaps I think my writing/thoughts are angering people, or perhaps other people are taking credit for them and I'm bitter over it. Valid, I suppose, but I don't see it as prevalent. I think it's more of the fear I have that someone(s) here at this University will someday "get me," due to some of the random harassment that's been coming my way lately. Maybe.
I hate ending my sentences with prepositions; I have ever since I was taught that it was bad form. I sometimes do it simply because I lack the brainpower and energy to figure out where the preposition should logically go.
Tomorrow I will skip physics. I have been present there for several weeks now and nothing he is telling me helps. If he would just assign problems instead of drawing pictures on the board and throwing random formulas up there...theory is nice and all, but it's numbers and applications on which we're tested. Also I'm extremely tired and I need to get some sleep before driving home tomorrow.
I have an Italian test tomorrow. I haven't studied. I'm not worried.
Chris came over tonight and we read poetry and had loads of fun. Dana, Stacey, Matt, and Morgan dropped by with cookies to comfort me--I went up to their room after Chris left and spent a while laughing hysterically and rolling around on the floor with my friends. They're fun--I'm lucky to have them.
I miss John, but that's not new.
current mood: world-weary
current music: Entertain you, celebrate you, I'll be back to frame you...
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(4 truths | the truth is out there)
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| Thursday, October 3rd, 2002
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3:45 pm - Good thing, bad thing,
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I asked for nitrous today while the hygienist cleaned my teeth and she gave it to me. No cavities, either.
The Lone Spider Lily on my walk to class has been uprooted and trampled. I loved that flower--it was all by itself in the middle of some grass and I remember my mother and grandmother growing spider lilies when I was a little Kate.
current mood: floaty
current music: Smokin' on your cigarette, finger in your hair...
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(2 truths | the truth is out there)
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8:26 am
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sick